Confessions of a Jorts Girl

I have a pretty serious obsession with my favorite item of clothing ever. I constantly find myself torn between the comfort and reliability of my go to summer shorts and the potential fashion faux pas I am committing.

The piece of clothing in the spotlight here is my trusty pair of jean cutoffs.

Yes, I am a jorts girl. Through and through. The first day of the year hinting at 80 degree weather you can bet that wherever I am, whatever I'm doing, I am wearing my jorts.

I also need to point out the authenticity of these cutoffs. About 10 years ago they had a rebirth after I went through a growth spurt and my LEI jeans became clam diggers. Now this was circa 1999 and that 1950's pedal pushers revival was almost out of style. (I tend to lag behind a few years). I knew I couldn't pull it off so I craftily snipped away the bottoms and made my very own pair of jort cutoffs.

I don't know if any of you have watched Arrested Development- but the best way to describe the frequency at which I wore these shorts would be to compare it to the character Tobias. Tobias had a "psychological affliction" causing him to be unable to be in the nude at any time- he was a Never Nude. In the shower, the doctor's office and even in bed, he always donned an article of clothing.This article: Jorts.

Okay, I am exaggerating a little. But I really do love my jean shorts. For years they have been my summer uniform.

As I begin to take a deeper look at fashion I am noticing that there is distinct "how to" regarding jort usage.

I am going to a pool party today where no one will be swimming (why does that always happen?). And thus, to uphold the promise I made myself to be more fashion forward, I will find an appropriate and stylish way in which to wear jean cutoff shorts.

Step 1: Try on every top in my closet with the jorts.

What I found: I may have forgotten to mention that these puppies are SHORT. They definitely put the "short" in shorts. Therefore, despite the 90 degree weather I need to pair them with something flowy and long. I can discard my spaghetti strapped shirts, tight midriff bearing shirts and wow I am so clearly stuck in the 90s.

Step 2: Find a shirt that is modest and comes all the way down to mid-butt.

What I found: I have a white empire waisted tube top from Wet Seal back in the day. It's flowy, modest and long- yet very summery.

HOWEVER I have learned one this from wearing this shirt in the past....

Step 3: Always waist belt an empire waist shirt so people don't congratulate you on the baby.

What I found: Last year I was grocery shopping with a male friend of mine. It was probably this same weekend and I was probably wearing my jorts. A man approached us an shook my friend's hand telling him he should be proud to be a father this time next year. "Happy Father's Day" he said, "and good luck to you, Momma" he told me.

We stood there in shock for literally a whole minute before I managed to spit out "wait, did he just..."

"Yeah, he did."

"Do I look..."

"No, you don't."

"Then why did he..."

"Let's just leave."

The incident was never really brought up again but I still carry emotional baggage from that day. I didn't wear this shirt for like months afterwards. I finally realized that this man was either messing with us or blind because I really don't look pregnant.

I think.

I hope.

Regardless, starting that day my affinity for belts began.

Step 4: Spice up the color scheme with some saucy shoes.

What I found: I am a colorful girl. I tend to get drowned out in whites, blacks, browns and grays so I like to add a little flavor to my outfits.

I chose these red shoes from Target to complete the look leaving me with this final product:

I think it's missing something. Suggestions?

Have a great weekend all!

Uncomfortable Moment of the Day:

Allow me to paint you a picture:

Patient in chair, mid procedure, complete silence and concentration in the room.

"I Touch Myself", the song best known from Austin Powers, comes on the radio.

Normal silence quickly becomes awkward silence.

3 minutes and 45 seconds of these lyrics later, the song ends.

Internal sigh of relief.

Moment is abruptly shattered with the all too familiar opening "wah wah wah wahh" of "Let's Get It On".

Discomfort persists.

History of Trend: Part 1 (UGGs)

I'm starting to notice that a lot of trends were originally born out of necessity. I haven't decided if this is a good thing or a bad thing, but it is definitely a thing. I keep seeing fashion creeping its way into the realm of function and making it its own. I feel like what was at one point one person's uniform will sooner or later become a fashion craze of the masses.

Think about it- I came up with UGGs, Polo Shirts, Cargo Pants and Bermuda Shorts off the top of my head.

To dig deeper into this phenomenon that I just discovered (yes, all me), we need to take these items and trace them back to their roots.

I promise this will be funny, not boring, and just littered with all sorts of sarcasm. Here we go:

UGGS

There is a lot of conflicting literature on the Internet about the origins of the UGG boot. Two of the most popular theories involve the military and sport. Either way, the actual sheepskin boot seems to have originated in either Australia or New Zealand*.

Some stories claim that UGGs were worn by pilots during WWI to ensure toasty toes during flights.

According to the official UGG Australia website it was surfers who truly inspired the UGG boot trend in the US. Apparently to keep their feet warm after exiting frigid water they slipped into a pair of cushy, comfy UGGs- and this quickly caught on.

Now, these people wear UGGs:

Judging by the length of her dress, I can tell it's freezing outside so I'm glad at least her feet are keeping warm*.

He certainly has the charm and swagger of a WWI aviator, maybe he can save his lady friend from the ferocious creatures attacking her feet.

What your thinking is one of three things:

1. "Shit, I have UGGs, am I that douchey?"

2. "Whatever, Daily Garb, UGGs are perfectly fine to wear appropriately"

3. "This is totally accurate and the Daily Garb is likely to win an award for her writing"

You're probably not thinking #3 unless you are my Mom or Dad reading this.

As for #1 and #2, I would feel like I'm cheating you if I didn't mention that I actually own a pair of UGGs.

When the boots first came into the scene I had an intensely adverse reaction to them and swore I would never buy into the overpriced, aggressively trendy fad. However, someone bought them for me against my will as a gift and I pretty much had to wear them.

I'm not going to lie, they are seriously comfortable. I limit my UGG use to NORMAL things like in cold weather and with pants, not skirts or dresses.

Now, I don't have anything against UGGs. I am not vehemently against them, nor am I excited enough to wear them that I would pair them with literally anything in my closet.

Yikes.

Stay tuned for the next History of Trend post: the Polo Shirt.

Romper Mania!

I was so excited about wearing a romper the other night that it carried over into my writing, big time. Check out my friend the DC Goodwill Fashionista to read a guest post I wrote about the pros and cons of rompers... all done in a completely serious tone, of course.

Because rompers are a very serious thing.

Happy Friday!